Yesterday my novel, Inference, was submitted to the Highland Book Prize, a writing competition which celebrates the landscape and culture of the Scottish Highlands.

To say that I am over the moon to even get this far with my writing is an understatement, but what if I dared to dream a little further? What if, this time, I took my initial ‘Weary Willie’ response: Oh, it’s nice to be submitted, but I know I won’t win, and turned it on its head, and started thinking that actually, I might just have a chance of winning this thing?

The problem with me is that I find ways to take the shine off my own achievements. When I first found out that Inference was going to be published, naturally I was very happy. I promptly went around telling anyone who would listen that my book was finally going to be in actual print, and of course, I felt a sense of achievement and pride at this.

But then, the doubts set in.

What if people don’t buy it?

What if people do buy it, and read it, and don’t like it?

What if all it ever gets is negative reviews?

And so on.

Whilst my friends and family were buzzing with excitement and counting down the days until publication, outwardly I was trying to mirror their enthusiasm, but inwardly I was thinking to myself that I should have left Inference on my memory stick, where it was safe from judgement and criticism.

That was nonsense, of course, but I suspect that everyone hears that little voice inside their head sometimes, telling them nonsense that would hold them back from doing anything if the voice was loud enough.

Thankfully, I think I am getting better at drowning out that little voice.

Yesterday, after a few seconds of thinking that it was nice to be an also-ran, because that was how I instantly pitched myself in the competition, I flicked the switch and started thinking about what it would be like to win the prize.

And then I started thinking that maybe, just maybe, Inference will win. And if I come back and read this post this time next year having not won, at least I will be able to say that I backed myself.

And for the next few months, I will be keeping my fingers and everything else crossed that the judges like my book just as much as everyone else who has read it so far.

And if you haven’t heard of or checked out Ullapool, the village in the Scottish Highlands where the prize winner will be announced at the Book Festival, please do your eyes a favour and check out the natural beauty on offer in this part of the world.